I couldn’t sleep one night and used Headspace’s guided meditation of Rainday Antiques, so that’s the inspiration for this story.

I watched his body slump to the floor. It was not very sudden or very dramatic, but it was very real. It slid down onto the floor like a heavy sack filled with coal would, tipping due to its lack of balance. No word escaped the body - it had given up. I ran towards the body as it fell, for the assault had ended, and the man who had committed the offence had long fled the scene. My fear had escaped me and had been replaced with a repulsive loathing for my actions. I wanted to sob, I wanted to do so uncontrollably, but it didn’t manage to leave my body, as if it were stuck in my throat. I willed myself to provide some comfort to the body, to help him anyway possible. As I approached it, it became more and more obvious how hopeless the situation was. There was not one mark of a slashing blade on the body, there were several. Blood had coated the shirt the body was wearing, and there was no trace of life left in the body’s skin. I grasped the body with both of my hands, attempting to shake it back to life. There was a movement in the eyelids of the body, a faint tremor that reignited the hope present in my heart.

“Keep fighting sir, keep fighting. I’m going to take you to the hospital sir, just stay awake.”

Even as I said those words, I realised how uncomforting and unreasonable they were.The body was in immense pain and all it wanted was to pass away peacefully. Yet I forced it to stay awake. The eyes didn’t open, but I was conscious of an action, a word that entered my consciousness as the hand of the body raised and pointed in front of me, into the distance. It pointed right behind me and I turned and looked. There was nothing there, rather, if there was, it was covered by the night’s embrace and the rain’s steady solemn march. The voice entered my head.

“Please, please…”

Those words had taken the last bit of energy that was left in the body, as I felt the little life that had been present fade away. The head slopped to the side. I knew it was dead. I didn’t know what I should do then, so I screamed for no tears would comfort me. I held the body close, pretending that my passionate spirit could revive the one that had ended. But to no avail, the body remained motionless, and on checking the pulse, my fear made into a reality. It was dead - and there was nothing I could do about it. From clutching the body so close, the blood had soaked my shirt, but it didn’t matter to me. The only thing that mattered was to find out the meaning to the body’s last request, to follow the indicated direction. I covered the body with my coat, so that it looked comfortable, might even as it was sleeping - had its face not been smeared with red. I lamented my own helplessness, but decided to move, for if I remained there any longer there would be no way that I would be able to leave the body’s side.

I walked in the direction that the body had pointed, hoping to find something that would soothe my growing loathing, the great loathing that had arisen in my heart.

‘If you’ve ever found yourself, one evening, wandering down the quiet street in the rain, you would know what a blessed relief it is to find such a place, as rainday antiques.’

The rain came down at a steady pace, and added to the gloom that I felt. There was noone and nothing around, and I wondered what the body had meant. Just as when the thought crossed my mind, a wooden shack seemed to appear in front of me.

‘Beautiful double fronted store with a big window on either side of the entrance. The windows are divided up into square panes, and the glass between the metal bars is ever so slightly wavy, giving the place a dreamlike quality. This quaint little establishment stays open 24/7 if you can believe it. Catering to international antique connoisseurs, who might arrive at any time and casual passers by. Which of these categories you fall into, well that’s up to you.’

I knew that places like these wouldn’t look to welcome someone who looked as filthy as me, both in body and in mind, yet I stride forward, certain to find what the body wanted me to.

‘On a night like tonight when the street lamps are fuzzy halos and the rain starts coming harder, so that your footsteps start making little slaps and squelches on the sidewalk. There is nothing more welcome than a misty orange light seeping through the antique store’s steamed up windows. And it’s weather beaten old sign hanging above the doorway now creaking a little in the damp breeze that says

Come on in.

We are open’

That was all the invitation I needed to enter the store. My filthy clothing had gotten battered in the rain and the blood that had dried had become alive again as it slithered down my shirt.

‘Inside, rainday antiques is as cozy as can be. Push open the door and you’ll find yourself being folded in a set of heavy red velvet drapes. Extra protection against the elements. Above you is a domed skylight, and the rain patters satisfyingly onto the glass of her head. There’s plenty of space to move around, but every surface is piled high with curios, ornaments and works of art. To the left of the door is a brass umbrella stand and above it a set of coat hooks, so feel free to unburden yourself of any damp layers and take this chance to really relax.’

I changed my shirt and dried my body as I put on the coat that lay hanging on the hooks. My appearance was a little cleaner, I wondered what the place really was, and how a day that had begun so ordinarily had ended up like this. I carried my dirty clothes in my arms, careful to not let it come close to the dry clothes that I had put on. Although the dirt from my body had been cleaned, the loathing in my heart had not, as my mind reached out to the start….

I had been out for a smoke, walking outside of the small apartment I had rented, to find an escape from the restricting space it provided. The cigarette had played the role of calming my mind whenever it had been distressed and anxious, much like it was today. The uncertainty of the future coupled with the disappointment with the present often led my mind there. The smokes had turned from relief to the essence of life itself, and I longed more for the smoke breaks than much anything else. I couldn’t usually predict where I found myself after having finished my cigarette and this time it was under a bridge. It was dark outside and the street had just a single streetlamp that faintly lit up the area. I don’t remember when, but the rain had begun steadily dripping from the sky - and my coat had become damp. As the flow of rain increased to a rapid rate, I decided to seek shelter under the bridge.

A commotion had interrupted my thinking. I was leaning against one of the pillars as my wisp ended, and in front of me I could see three men shoving around a weaker man. What they were saying did not reach my ears, as the sound of the rain that was now fierce made anything else practically seem silent. The shoving turned into more violent gestures, and I decided to intervene and stop them from hurting the man any further. Just as I strove forward, one of the men unsheathed a dagger from their pocket. I…

‘The owner of this charming emporium is a middle aged man named Henry. A dapper and an astute  gentleman who’s sitting quietly in the corner, reading a newspaper. Henry is the kindest man you could ever hope to meet. He is a true listener and there are very few people that you can say that about. If you ever chose to confide in him, you can be sure he’d listen carefully until the end. Then he’d say something very simple but very wise. Something that would let you know - that everything was going to be okay.

My body froze when I had seen that weapon unseath. The confidence I had felt had very quickly been replaced by fear. I wished to help that man, and prevent fate from playing its hand, to save him from an unfair end - yet my body wouldn’t move. It seemed like time slowed down, as everything that happened in front of me seemed to be playing at half the speed. I had ample opportunity to stop it, but my body was bitten, bitten by the venomous snake that spread fear. The dagger was raised and at once, struck into the body. I screamed at them to stop, to take notice of me, but no voice left my throat. I pleaded with my body to move, but it remained still - and I stood there, as pathetic as a man could be, too scared to move.

‘Now as you enter, he nods at you, with an unobtrusive hospitality that says, you’re welcome to browse in peace as long as you like. But if you need him, he’s right here.’

I had stood there for close to thirty minutes, negotiating with my body to move, as the body was struck again and again. The perpetrators were not able to see me, as their backs were turned against me - but the body saw me stood there, and his eyes locked into mine. His eyes were pleading, and all they said was one word,

Help.

And I stood there, as the eyes continued to search my soul. The body had not screamed out once in all the blows it had been dealt. Not once has it betrayed a sign of weakness. But its eyes pleaded with all its might as it looked into mine, a plea for rescue. I loathed myself as I watched - too afraid to intervene and too terrified to look away. Tears seemed to flow down my face, and yet I stood there unmoved. The men who had completed their job, decided to call it a day. They shuffled across, and started to walk away. The body still stood leaning against the wall, though any sense of life from it was far withdrawn. The eyes had not ceased from looking into mine. As it saw the drops emerge, it seemed to understand. A feeling of death seems to enter.

“NO!”

I screamed now as I should have screamed then. My reality split back into the shop, in front of Henry who’s expression didn’t betray fear or surprise, but of warmth. Myt mind felt splintered, and I reached out for a cigarette, knowing that I wouldn’t find one. My legs gave in as I fell to my knees. The tears that had earlier seemed to flow were exposed almost dangerously as I sobbed uncontrollably. I was on my knees and everything seemed to happen at once. It was all too much, all too much. I was pathetic, I was - I didn’t deserve to live.

Just as the darkest thoughts seemed to take birth, a hand stretched out in front of me. It was not one that was strived forward with pity, it was one with understanding. Henry stood there, his hand outstretched, a comfort existing there that shouldn’t be given to someone like me.

“I am a murderer, Henry. I watched as he was killed and did no…nothing, Absoultely fucking nothing. I I- I am pathetic. I don- don’t get this.Why do you still want to help me?”

My words split into each other as my emotions seemed to take control of me. I didn’t deserve the help Henry provided, it was one that I had failed to produce for the body. I deserved the same fate as it.

Henry’s hand remained there. I reached out and took it. I stood up. Henry came close and hugged me. His body was warm, and my shivering spirit seemed to calm down. I tightly returned the gesture. My face grew numb.

“It’s your eyes mister, they don’t seem to be of one of a killer, but of a child.”

Our embrace ended as Henry smiled at me generously.

“I don’t know what happened, but believe me when I say this. Everything will be fine, now. Everything is fine.”

My mind calmed as he spoke to me. My fears still remained however, and I seeked out the answer.

“I just watched, I just watched. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t save him. I tried so hard and yet my body remained there. I can’t, I don’t deserve to live.”

“Mister, you may have not been able to help then. But you have another person to save right now. Yourself.”

Henry’s voice was like of an angel, comforting me, while making my body weary and sleepy. My eyes closed and my consciousness left from under me.

I woke up on the floor of my apartment. I struggled to understand what had happened. I reached out for a cigarette and grasped onto the empty packet. I sighed as I got up. What was that?

And the memory washed over me. What was only a dream, seemed as powerful as a memory. I looked at my phone and saw the sleepcast still playing faintly. I walked over to the dustbin and as I threw my empty packet away, Henry’s words came back to me,

“But you have another person to save right now. Yourself.”

The sound of my pure laughter echoed through the room.