The car hummed as it moved across the highway. Outside the window, the sky was littered with clouds around its blue expanse, and there were streaks of orange light wisping from the setting sun. She checked the rear view mirror to see if she was clear to change her lane, and after giving the indicator for it, she steered her car to the side, into a lane that was faster. She let the breath flow out of her lungs as she sunk into the accelerator, and she watched the numbers on the dash move up. 60 - 70 - 100 - 120.. The faster it went - the more in control she felt. There were no cars for miles around her. There was a comfort in driving a car that she felt that was hard to find in the modern day. Living in London was nothing but constant stress. Stress about where the next paycheck was coming from. Stress about whether dinner should be takeout or not. Stress about growing older. Stress about gaining weight. There weren’t many things she had that took that poison out of her body. Driving did that for her. Driving gave her the control she longed for in her life. A ton of steel moving at a hundred miles an hour, a killing machine - dancing to her commands. She enjoyed the power she had when she drove.

A position in the car was also one where she thought about bigger things than the day to day. Often, we have great revelations in moments where we aren’t really thinking, where our unconscious gives us unique insights into our reality. Or in other words, an existential crisis knocking at your window. She knew when the moment was coming for her, she had seen it come and go for years now - and she could see one coming now.

“ What am I doing? “

The numbers fell down now, they seeped closer and closer to the speed limit, as her foot relaxed on the pedal. She cruised down the highway, with this question in her head. ‘I kissed a girl’ by Katy Perry played on the radio. She unintentionally sang along to it - catching herself halfway through the recital.

“What am I doing…”

She turned off the radio. The only thing surrounding her in the car now was the question. The emptiness beckoned her to provide an answer to it. There was no music for her story, just a silence that seeped into the atmosphere, a harrowing one that begged to be forgotte